Dicks are For my Friends

lameborghini:

life hack: be nice to people with a pool at their house

nickelode0n:

baby, i don’t care about your stomach

or your legs

or how big your boobs are

i don’t care about you at all

leave me alone

casual reminder that just because your idea of a good time is curling up with a book and hers is doing tequila shots does not make you a better person than her (◡‿◡✿)

trust:

money can buy me happiness its called mcdonalds

oomshi:

*seductively whispers in your ear* what do you want from mcdonalds

hommewalk:

I need a part time job that pays $20,000 per week.

rehabbed:

if snails can sleep for 3 years at a time then so can i

well i already know im going to hell

at this point it’s really go big or go home